


Until Midnight

by flashlegends (orphan_account)



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Low Self Esteem, M/M, Self-Denial, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-18 16:20:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4712486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/flashlegends
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry's past is filled with something that he didn't want anyone to know about. Six years pass and he's happy. That is until the man returns that caused him so much anguish. Will the secret be let out? And how will the one person that Barry loves cope with it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags. And if I'm missing a tag please let me know.

It was the only life that Barry Allen had known. Growing up without a father and his mother, though a lovely woman just didn't know the type of men that she was bringing into her home. He had thought that this was what men wanted from him. It’s what they told him they wanted and nothing more.

Barry was no older than Seventeen the first time that the man (Nikolai he thinks) came into his room. His mother was at work, the double shift called her name and she answered. Barry had wanted to spend the night at Iris' house instead of being alone. Well not alone but being in the same house as Nikolai felt that way. He had even called her over but she bailed at the last moment, instead going out with her boyfriend Tommy Merlyn. And thinking back on it Barry had a feeling that Nikolai set this up.

Him being Tommy's cousin and all.

He felt the cover slip down beneath his waist. The cool air hitting his naked torso. He always slept in the nude. It was a habit of his. A habit he had soon stopped.

At first he thought it was Iris pranking him. With eyes still shut he swatted at the hand that made its way to his ass.

"Iris. Stopped. I told you I don't like people playing with my ass." He said with a smile.

"Aww why not? It's such a cute ass. Anyone would be lucky to play with it."

Barry's eyes snapped opened and he moved to the corner of the bed, wrapping the sheets around him.

"What are you doing here!?" Barry asked. He knew Nikolai stared at him but he didn't think that he would try a stunt like this. "Get the fuck out."

Nikolai sat on the edge of the bed, a gleaming smile on his face. If he wasn’t dating his mom Barry would enjoy his company. Nikolai wasn’t that much older than him. Maybe seven years or so. He was handsome. Short and Dark hair that suited his face well. Nikolai scooted closer and when the moonlight caught him Barry noticed that he was in nothing but a towel.

Nikolai’s hand moved to touch Barry’s face. He instantly recoiled and pushed it away.

“No. I’ve wanted you Barry. Ever since I first met you---“He placed a hand back on Barry’s face.

“Don’t deny me my sweet. If you do---You do love your mother am I correct?”

That caught his attention. He knew that Nikolai loved his mother and wouldn’t hurt her, Right?

Barry nodded.

Nikolai moved forward, placing a kiss on his lips. “Good. Now do as I say and she will be okay. Understand?”

Barry nodded.

“Good. Now lie back and relax.”

\--

Barry hadn’t seen Nikolai in six years. He left home the moment he turned eighteen. He was still in school but he couldn’t be in that house another minute with that man. That night had been the first of many and each day he wanted to tell his mom about what was going on but couldn’t. One, he felt ashamed and two Nikolai threatened him and his mom and he wasn’t going to put her in danger. So he moved in with the West family for the last few months, explaining to his mom that he needed time away from her but actually away from Nikolai.

He finished school, headed to Central City University with Iris and never saw Nikolai again. Barry had moved on with his life. Shortly after graduating uni Barry and Iris had gotten a place together, got jobs at the local café just above the café and Barry had even met someone.

A detective for the CCPD by the name of Eddie Thawne. He was in his early thirties. He was blonde, Blue-Eyed, a snarky sense of humor and a penance for the doing what he loved the correct way. Barry trusted him so much that six months into dating Eddie moved in with them. He never lied. No matter how much it hurt and Barry felt bad for hiding this secret from him. But he didn’t have a choice. He didn’t want Eddie, the one good thing in his life besides Iris to leave him. He would think that he was disgusting and---He could just imagine the words.

_Slut_

_Whore_

_Diseased freak_

_I don’t love you_

_Who can love something like you?_

Nikolai had said those to him. Nikolai had planted the self-doubt in his mind.

Fuck Nikolai.

“Fuck Yes! Deeper Eddie!” Barry screamed as he held onto Eddie, his legs wrapping around his waist and pulling him in deeper when Eddie just wouldn’t do as asked. Eddie leaned down, a bead of sweat beating down his neck and landing on Barry’s chest. He kissed Barry once on the lips, then made his way down to Barry’s cock, lapping up the translucent substance from the tip of his cock.

“Shit. I love you so much Bar.”

Barry didn’t repeat the words. He knew that he should. If he didn’t what would Eddie think? He didn’t love him either and why was Eddie wasting his time with someone who didn’t love him?

There it was again. The self-doubt and fear that he was going to lose Eddie.

Instead he pushed his hips forward, his legs pushing Eddie closer and the friction causing Eddie to come instantly. Barry followed.

Eddie collapsed next to Barry; he wrapped the smaller man in his arms and kissed his head lightly.

Within seconds Eddie was out like a light. Barry pulled the sheets over them and picked up the long forgotten tank top that Eddie had worn and laid on the bed. He wiped them both up and settled into his boyfriend’s arms.

He wasn’t going to lose Eddie. He would be the man that Eddie needed, he would be the one that Eddie deserved. No matter what it took.

\--

Nikolai Santamaria wasn’t one to give up when he wanted something. Barry Allen was the best thing that had happened to him and he wanted him. He let him slip between his fingers once and that wasn’t going to happen again. He was going to have him back. Even if it meant destroying the life that Barry had built for himself. Even if it meant destroying that---man that touched his precious every night and day.

“He’s off tomorrow.” A woman in her late forties told him. He was sitting in his car, the woman in the passenger seat. They were parked in front of the café. It had just hit midnight. He watched from the car, watching that cop defile his Barry. It angered him. “I made sure of it Nikolai. The perks of owning that café.”

Nikolai smiled. Brenda Marshall was always good to him. Doing whatever he asked. Whenever he asked.

“But as for the key to the apartment---“She waved it in front of him before dropping it in her panties. “You have to earn it.”

Nikolai growled but played along.

Whatever it took to get to Barry.

\--

Barry was up before Eddie and decided to cook breakfast for him. The night’s activities playing in his mind. Eddie loved him. Well he said it often (mostly laughing after and Barry took that as he wasn’t serious) but never during sex. And maybe that was the heat of the moment, him saying those words.

He cooked all of Eddie’s favorite breakfast foods. French toast with Apple/Caramel sauce, pancakes and waffles. His coffee sat next to the food. Barry checked everything over before going into their bedroom and waking Eddie.

Barry leaned over him, touching his face with a gentle smile. Nothing. Eddie was a notorious heavy sleeper. Barry looked down and noticed the sheet, it was strewn across Eddie’s waist. Exposing his limp cock.

A thought crossed Barry’s mind and he smirked. Barry crawled onto the bed carefully, making sure not to wake Eddie before stopping in front of his sleeping boyfriend.

He leaned down and engulfed the length into his mouth, enjoying the feel as it came to life in his mouth. His left hand began to play with Eddie’s sac while his other made its way into his sweatpants and wrapping around his own cock.

He used the skills Nikolai taught him.

_You have to make it good for me not you_

And he made sure that it was good for Eddie. He moved his hand from his cock the moment he felt the sticky liquid seeping out. Your orgasm last, his first.

He nipped at the skin at the base of Eddie’s member. A low growl erupted from Eddie’s throat and soon Eddie’s hands met Eddie’s head, pulling him down deeper.

“Fuck Baby. That’s it.” Eddie snarled. Barry looked up, Eddie’s eyes were still closed. He was still asleep.

Barry went down deeper until the tip reached the back of his throat. Eddie bucked forward, and seconds later Eddie was coming, the liquid going into his mouth and Barry swallowing it. Eddie’s eyes shot open, staring back at Barry.

“Hi.” Eddie’s voice was groggy.

“Hi.” Barry responded. Eddie’s eyes wandered. He smiled.

“We should take care of that.” Eddie’s hand moved to the tent in Barry’s pants, palming and enjoying as Barry moaned.

No. This isn’t what I am supposed to do.

He moved Eddie’s hand and stood up. This caused Eddie to frown and he felt horrible.

“You didn’t eat last night. And you have a long work day ahead of you. Eat first then worry about me.”

“Bar.”

“Don’t. You come first. Always.”

Barry walked before Eddie could say anything. He had seen the look in his eyes when he said that. Eddie didn’t believe it. Barry was important.

Eddie got up, slipped on a pair of boxers and followed the man that he loved.

“Sweetie. You---“

Barry sat him down. “Let’s not talk about this. Eat.”

\--

Nikolai watched the blonde leave. Barry kissing the man and that made his blood boil. Those lips were his alone.

As soon as the man pulled off Nikolai got out of the car. He walked into the building, by past the shop which was slowly beginning to fill with patrons and up the stairs that led to the lofts. There were only three and Nikolai easily found the one that he was looking for.

The door was locked. Of course.

He pulled out the key and opened the door, surprising Barry.

“What the fuck?”

Nikolai stepped forward. “I’ve missed you Barry. Come and give me a kiss.”

Barry didn’t move. This wasn’t happening to him. He wasn’t here.

He closed his eyes, hoping this was a dream. Even when he felt the familiar hands touch his body.

He felt the kiss on his lips.

The hands on his ass.

And then he heard a familiar voice.

“What’s going on?” Eddie asked. Barry’s eyes opened and a single tear fell down his cheek. He dropped his bag and walked towards Barry and Nikolai who quickly moved away.

“Nothing. I was just giving my son a hug.” Nikolai said, he was casting a deathly glare at Eddie who had Barry in his arms.

“I thought your dad wasn’t in the picture?”

Barry shook his head. “He isn’t. This is my mom’s boyfriend Nikolai.”

“Actually your mom and I got hitched. I’m your stepfather now.”

Barry stilled. No. he didn’t want Nikolai still in his mother’s life. He wanted him gone.

“Too bad you missed the wedding.”

Barry turned and looked at Eddie. “What are you doing back?”

“I forgot my Taser. Do you want me to stay? You don’t look so well.”

He wanted to say no. Go to work, he was fine. That was the lie he was supposed to say. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want to be left alone with him. Not when he had a key.

“Could you? I mean if Singh would let you.”

“”I have vacation days. It’s fine.”

Eddie looked at Nikolai. “I’m going to get him into bed. Maybe you can catch up when he’s feeling better?”

A fake smile crossed his face. “Sure.”

Once he left Barry turned in Eddie’s arms, Eddie held him closer and tighter than he ever had.

“What’s going on Barry?”

 

 

 

 

 __  
  


 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

“What’s going on Barry?” Eddie’s eyes had followed Barry’s. The brunette had detangled himself from Eddie only minutes after Nikolai left. Eddie wanted answers, Barry wouldn’t give them to him. At least not yet. And even though that stung a little bit Eddie actually had no right to be angry with Barry for keeping a secret.

Barry had gone into their bedroom, Eddie followed closely behind making sure that Barry was actually okay and not putting on a front. Barry was sitting on the bed, Eddie sat next to him. He put a hand on Barry’s shoulder hoping that he would give in and say something to him. Anything. Eddie knew that something was wrong and he wouldn’t pry but he needed to know what was on Barry’s mind. He needed to know what the deal was with Nikolai. He had seen the way that he touched Barry. Seen the way that he looked at him. Something was wrong.

“Nothing Eddie. Don’t worry about it.’’ Came the distant reply. It was a lie. He wouldn’t divulge deeper.

“Okay then. Why don’t we go out? Take a walk in the park? Maybe catch a movie?” Eddie suggested placing a kiss on Barry’s neck. “We never get to do that with my hectic schedule.”

Barry smiled. “Yeah. I’d love that. Let me get changed and maybe you should too. I don’t think a suit and badge is good for a movie date.”

“I guess you’re right.”

-

Nikolai stormed out of the building, shocking and scaring most of the patrons. Even Brenda who was sitting at one of the tables. The moment that he left the building she got up and followed, telling Iris to handle things while she went on break.

“Nikolai! What the hell?” She asked following him down the street. She caught up to him when he stopped in an alley way.

“That blonde bastard interrupted us. I need him out of the picture and as soon as possible.”

“I’m not killing anyone.” Brenda said almost immediately holding up her newly manicured hands and trying to hide the small fear that was creeping into her eyes. “I know I said I would do anything for you but not this.”

Nikolai smiled. He moved slowly to Brenda, placing a hand on her cheek and planting a kiss on her lips. He pulled back seconds later with a smirk. “I didn’t mean kill. If I kill that---thing. Barry would never fully be mine. He’d still be too upset over his death and I’d lose him. Well his mind anyway. His body will always be mine. No matter what happens. No I need him to leave Barry. Plant evidence or whatever just get them broken up. I want Barry in my bed by the end of the month. Got it?”

She leered. Standing back out of his reach and fishing for her phone. She scrolled until she found a number. “Of course. I think I know a simpler plan. Something that might work and would be better for you if Barry ended things with Eddie instead of the other way around.” She showed him the number and the photo attached to it. “She can help.”

Nikolai pulled her back close, his lips ghosting over hers. “Whatever it takes.”

-

Their day out actually ended at the park. Which something told Barry that they should have gone to the movies first and that way Eddie would have needed to turn his phone off. Fifteen minutes of being alone and suddenly Eddie had gotten a call in. They were backed up and needed Eddie ASAP. Eddie apologized and Barry was left going home alone. Which he didn’t want to and instead hung out in the café until Iris’ shift was over.

“We have to change the locks.” Barry spoke softly as to not alert the entire café that someone had easily gotten into his home.

“Why?” She asked cleaning one of the tables. Barry sighed. She knew about Nikolai and he wasn’t sure that she was ready to know that he was here.

But he didn’t have a choice.

“Nikolai is here and he entered our home today.”

She stopped what she was doing. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. I got lucky that Eddie had forgotten something and came back.”

“You shouldn’t be alone.”

Barry rolled his eyes. “I know that. He’s in town. Who knows what for and he can get to me.”

Iris sat down. She looked at the door and at the people walking by. “Maybe it’s time that you tell Eddie about all of this. He can protect you.”

Barry shook his head. “No. If he knew---“

“If he knew he would know that none of this is on you and that Nikolai is a disgusting bastard.”

“I can’t. I just can’t.” his mind going back to what he knew was the truth. Eddie would think he was disgusting. He would think how he could ever sleep with someone that has done what he’s done in the past.

\--

Eddie actually hadn’t gotten a call from the CCPD. It was actually a call from his ex. One that Barry didn’t know about. Alana Hastings was an old flame of his. A woman that he frequently sees when Barry’s busy. And no it wasn’t like that. The only reason he kept in contact with her was because of his daughter, a seven year old by the name of Maia Thawne.

Eddie wasn’t scheduled to see Maia until next month. Alana wasn’t supposed to call him until then. But she did and they met outside of Central City.

“What’s this all about? Is she okay?” he asked the moment he reached the diner in town. He saw Alana sitting in a booth at the back. Maia reading a book. She would be starting third grade soon and he was so excited to see his daughter make it this far.

Alana, a woman two years older than Eddie with red hair and smoldering eyes looked at Eddie, She smiled. Eddie was her one true love and she hated that she ended things with him.

“Maia’s fine. I wanted to tell you that they bumped her up a grade. Instead of starting third she’s going to be in fourth. Didn’t I tell you she’s a genius? According to the school she’s the smartest one there. They say she has a promising future.”

Eddie beamed and picked his daughter up. She looked more like Eddie than Alana. Blonde hair, his smile. The only thing of Alana that she had was Alana’s green/blue eyes.

“I have to get something for her. Maybe a new doll.”

“She has fifty already. She doesn’t need any more. But she does want to spend time with her dad. More than a weekend a month.”

Eddie put her down and she went back to her book.

“Well that’s not my fault. You decided to file for full custody and set that agreement. Not me.”

“And about that—I’ve revoked that. You can see her as often as you want.”

Eddie stared at her. “Seriously?”

“Yes. And how about she spends the school year with you? I can get her on weekends.”

“As much as I would love that I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I have a boyfriend now. It’s serious and I didn’t actually tell him about Maia.”

Alana didn’t let him see how hurt she was about the news that he had someone new in his life.

“It’s serious and you didn’t tell him about Maia?”

“I was going to do it. But that entailed him knowing about you. The homophobic ex of mine who didn’t want her daughter around someone who takes it up the ass.”

Alana looked away. “I was ignorant back then. I was stupid. But I’m not now. If this guy—“

“Barry. His name is Barry.”

“Barry. Is serious then tell him about her and me. He has to know. How long have you two been dating?”

Eddie smiled. “Almost three years.”

Alana placed a hand on his. “Then tell him.”

-

Nikolai waited outside the café. He had been there all day, making sure to linger too much and gain the attention of the local CCPD. He didn’t need Blondie knowing that he was sitting outside his Barry’s home and place of work all day. That would possibly end with him in jail and how would he carry out his plans then? He watched Barry and Iris (the woman that he had wanted to get rid of when she took Barry away from him). They were talking, something that they were doing all day and in fact Nikolai was a little annoyed by that. No one talks that much. And then walking up the stairs. He expected her to come back down. Someone that looked like her must have been seeing someone or at least had other friends. But she didn’t. He couldn’t get to him tonight. Not while she was there. And then Blondie would be back later tonight. At least that’s what Brenda told him. She called posing as a concerned citizen and wanted to know if the detectives were busy all night. And they were. Except for a few. Something happened and all hands were on deck expect for detective Thawne apparently. He was stuck for the night. He would just have to wait it out to try again. This time though, he would get Barry back.

His phone began to ring. He looked at it. Brenda.

“Hello?” He answered.

“ _I’ve set it in motion. My plan. And it’s a good one. Barry will be yours by the end of the week. No one can stand being with a guy who lies about where they go. Trust me on this one. And I expect a nice reward for this one too Nikolai.”_

-

_Slut_

_Whore_

_Diseased freak_

_I don’t love you_

_Who can love something like you?_

_The only reason I’m doing this is because no one else will_

_You should be so lucky that anyone will give you the time of day_

_Nikolai’s hand snaked up Barry’s naked thigh, teasing slightly at the sensitive flesh and causing Barry’s cock to twitch._

_“My mom—“_

_“Is at work, as usual. She won’t be home until at least three. We have all night Barry. All night for me to show you that you will take what you can get.”_

_Barry closed his eyes as he felt the familiar intrusion. A tear slid silently down his cheeks._

Barry woke up in a sweat, the lights were off and he turned. The bed was empty. His heart began to race, especially when he looked at the clock and noticed it was three in the morning. Iris was on her daily run. Eddie wasn’t here. He was alone.

He jumped out of bed and reached for his phone.

“Where are you?” Barry said suddenly. He walked into the living room and pressed against the door in case.

“ _Oh I’m sorry. The café wasn’t open yet and I needed some coffee. I went up the street. I’ll be back soon. Sorry.”_

Barry sighed of relief. Even though they had changed the locks and Barry had been on guard and even though five days had passed since he had last seen Nikolai he was still worried, worried that at any day when he was alone Nikolai would come and destroy everything that he had.

“It’s okay. I was just—why were you getting coffee this early?”

“ _Joe called. I’m needed in at four. Given that I won’t be home until midnight tonight. And there was something that I actually wanted to tell you today. I’ve put it off long enough.”_

Barry’s heart leaped. He knew. How did he know? Nikolai must have told him. He was going to leave him.

“Eddie—I can…”

“ _I’ll tell you tomorrow and when I do please don’t be angry with me. Please.”_

Barry was confused now. “Okay. Eddie I don’t—“

_“I don’t want to tell you over the phone. At least this extra day gives me time to figure out exactly what to say to you without you completely hating me. Or leaving me. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”_

It’s funny. Eddie thought he was going to lose Barry with whatever secret he was keeping with in actuality Barry was going to lose Eddie If he ever found out the truth about him.

“You won’t lose me.” Barry assured him. But the ‘I might lose you’ remained deep in his voice.

_“I love you so much Barry.”_

“I know.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Instead of coming straight home both Iris and Eddie had went to work, Barry still had today off as well and he didn’t understand why Brenda was giving him so much vacation time. Not that he was complaining but he actually didn’t understand it at all. Did she just not like him enough to want to keep him on and this was her way of saying ‘You don’t have much time left here?’

He didn’t like it.

He sat on his bed, his phone resting comfortably next to him on Eddie’s pillow and one of Eddie’s issued guns that he likes to leave around the home sitting in his dresser drawer. Not that he would shoot it, it was a preemptive notion in case Nikolai barged in this time. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and one of Eddie’s tank tops. His shoes were on as well. If the waving of the gun didn’t scare Nikolai he couldn’t shoot it. Not with all these people downstairs and Eddie would lose his job if a civilian shot his weapon.

He was going to run. Hit Nikolai and run. But even if he didn’t he was waiting until seven, Eddie might have been at work today but it was Joe’s day off and he would feel safer around Joe than with a café full of people.

Seven hit. He picked up his phone and sent a text to Eddie. _Spending the day with Joe. See u later. I love you._

He pocketed the phone and headed downstairs. He waved to Iris who asked where he was going and he told her to her dads. She knew as well as he that being with Joe was a good idea.

He began to make his way down the familiar path that led to Joe’s. He chose to walk instead of taking the bus or using Iris’ car. It was dangerous with Nikolai in town but he made sure to keep to the heavy populated walk ways.

Every so often he thought that he had seen Nikolai and he would walk a little faster and soon enough he was at Joe’s.

He didn’t even need to knock. It was as though Joe knew the moment that he and Iris would show up at his door.

“Barry! What are you doing here? Not that I mind but it’s just a nice surprise.” Joe smiled pulling Barry into a hug and through the door of the home that Barry had come to know over the last few years.

“I had the day off. Both Iris and Eddie are at work. So I thought I’d spend the day with you.”

“Eddie headed into work today?” Joe asked. He seemed confused by that tidbit and Barry didn’t catch on. His mind actually a million miles away. “Anyway glad you did. I missed you.”

Barry smiled. “I’ve missed you too.”

“Well come on in.”

Barry walked in. Many memories coming back to him. All good though. He took a seat on the couch and Joe in the recliner. The morning news was on.

“I know it’s early—“

“Yeah and I don’t care. I’m cooking breakfast. Have you eaten yet?”

“I haven’t. Do you need help?”

Joe let out a chuckle. “Since when does Barry Allen cook?”

“Since I got with Eddie.” Barry beamed at the memory of their first date.

_He didn’t want to go out. Iris had told him that proving to a guy that you can cook is the best policy and even though he couldn’t cook he was going to try his hardest. He chose something simple. Spaghetti. Everyone loved Spaghetti. He was halfway done with the sauce when the bell rang. Still in his sweats and an apron he didn’t have a chance to change. Which was kind of embarrassing._

_He walked to the door, grinning when he saw Eddie with a bouquet of flowers._

_Eddie’s eyes scanned Barry. A smirk appearing._

_“I guess I’m overdressed.”_

_“No. I wasn’t expecting you so soon. If you could just give me a minute to change—“_

_“Don’t bother. We’re alone at your place. Plus I like this look on you.”_

_He handed the flowers to Barry before undoing his tie and taking off his jacket. He untucked his shirt. He looked as though he had just came in from a long day at work._

_“That’s better.” His eyes twinkled when he said that. So did Barry’s. His mom had always told him to meet a guy who could be comfortable around you. And that guy was Eddie._

_That night they sat on the floor, eating while talking about their lives and getting to know one another._

 

“And that’s a thing. Of all the men in Central city and you pick my partner.”

Barry looked down. “He picked me. I’m glad that he did. I would have never expected someone like him to be with me.”

“Why not? You’re a good guy Barry. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

-

Nikolai watched Barry make his way towards Joe’s house and he was desperate to just take him on the street. Too many eyes and Brenda had a plan in motion. So he went into Jitters. Sitting at one of the tables and waiting for someone to take his order.

Just his luck that it was Iris.

“You shouldn’t be here.” She said with a smile, it after all was in the description to be kind and courteous to each and every person that came into the café. Nonetheless, hidden underneath was malice.

“I’m here for coffee and maybe some cake. That’s all.” Nikolai smirked.

“Barry will never be yours. What you did to him—“

“He asked for. All those times he teased me. Flaunting around the house with those shorts, flirting with me. He wanted me.”

“He was seventeen you bastard. He didn’t ask to be raped.”

“Is that what he told you? That he was raped? It’s not rape if you enjoy it.”

“And he didn’t. All those times that he came to me crying. All the wounds I had to clean up. All the times that he told me he wanted to—“She closed her eyes. Those nights were the worst for her. The nights he told her that he wanted it all to stop and that was the only way. She always talked him down. But you never know. “He hates you. I hope he finds the courage to tell Eddie what you did. That way your sorry ass can see the inside of a jail cell.”

She started to walk away, he grabbed her hand. “Don’t meddle Ms. West. You might not like me when I’m angry.”

She snorted, pulling her hand away. “So what are you the hulk now? Going to turn all green and huge if I piss the little baby off? No Nikolai. You might not like me when I’m angry.”

-

Barry doesn’t remember the last time he enjoyed Joe’s cooking. Until that morning. They ate as though no time had passed, Barry helped him clean up and soon they were out the door heading to a baseball game.

“I heard your mom married Nikolai.” Joe said once that they had taken their seats. Baseball was the way that they had bonded. All three of them. It was their thing and usually whatever was bothering them would come out. A part of him was glad. He needed to tell someone. Just not Eddie. Eddie wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“Yeah. I heard.” Barry was feeling uneasy. Joe looked ahead as the others were filing in.

“You aren’t happy? I thought you liked Nikolai? Or all those nights you came to us you were beaten, bruised because of him?”

“How did you know?” Barry’s voice was barely audible but Joe caught it.

“I’m a detective Barry. I noticed the signs.”

“It was more than that. He—he would force himself on me. Make me do things I didn’t want to. That’s why I moved out. I couldn’t handle it. Mom doesn’t know. Neither does Eddie nor you can’t tell them. Please Joe you can’t.”

“I think that you should tell them. It would be—“

“Worse. He’s in town. He came into my house about a week ago. Luckily Eddie was there. But Joe he threatened them. And I can’t have that on my conscious.”

Joe was silent. “Move back in with me. You, Iris and Eddie. I can protect you. It would be safer with two cops.”

“I can’t. How will explain that to Eddie? Thanks but no thanks. I can handle this.”

“That’s the thing Barry. You don’t have to handle this. We can help you. If you would just let us.”

-

Once again he lied to Barry. Not that he wanted to but he had to. Alana wanted him to take Maia with him this week. So she could get used to being with him and around the people in his life and it’s not like he was going to say no. He got up early. It was a fairly long drive to Coast City and one back. He actually wouldn’t be back until midnight and with his daughter in tow. He would actually freak Barry out. He hoped that he would be okay with it.

-

“You want me to call Eddie to come and get you or do you want me to take you home? Or you know you can stay here and I can call Iris to come and you two can just stay the night like old times.”

It was nearing nine. No way in hell was Barry going to walk and even if he wanted to Joe wasn’t going to let him.

“What do you mean call Eddie? He’s working. At least until midnight.”

“No. He isn’t. He requested this day off. Said he had some business to take care of.”

Barry frowned. Why would Eddie lie to him? Especially about what he was doing?

“He told me he was working late.”

Joe shrugged. “Guess he got his days mixed up. He had the day off.”

None of this made sense to him. What was Eddie doing that made him lie? Suddenly Barry had gotten ill. What if he was cheating on him? What if Eddie actually did know the truth but didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to lose the place he was staying in. Barry wondered if he was hotter than him. Did he do things with Eddie that Barry was afraid to do? Was the guy a saint? Not messed up like him. Did he say I love you to Eddie when Barry wouldn’t? Couldn’t?

Was Eddie lying in this new guy’s bed at this exact moment, him curled into Eddie’s chest and the two of them laughing at the fact that Barry was so stupid to not notice that Eddie was using him?

The bile reached the back of his throat and he rushed to the bathroom. Making it just as the contents of what he had eaten came out.

“You alright?” Worry laced Joe’s voice as he watched Barry empty his stomach.

“He lied. He told me he was working. What if he’s cheating on me? Joe I can’t handle that. I can’t lose him. He’s been the one thing in my life that I haven’t messed up. Joe, Please.”

Joe leaned down and wrapped Barry in his arms. “He’s not—if he is—Eddie’s a good guy. I’m sure it’s something else. He’s not cheating on you. And if he is I’m going to kick his ass. Got it? Look, what did I tell you about jumping to conclusions?”

Barry pulled out of his hug. His eyes were red and puffy. He didn’t realize when he started to cry. “Get the statement first. Find out what happened and then if it all adds up, then make the conclusion.”

“Talk to Eddie. Find out what he has to say. If he doesn’t give you a direct answer—“

“He’s lying to me.”

-

He chose to stay at Joe’s. Calling Iris and telling her to come over as well. He left Eddie a text to let him know that he could stay at the loft or come to Joe’s with him and Iris. He got a reply seconds later telling him that he would stay at the loft. He didn’t want to intrude on family time with the three of them.

That made Barry even more anxious than he already was. Proof that Eddie was hiding something and didn’t want to face Barry.

“Let’s play some board games like we used to do when we were eight.” Iris said a little too much enthusiasm as she pulled out one of the old board games from the shelf. She blew off the dust and sat it on the table. Barry looked at the game. It required four people. Not three.

“Uh West. Four, not three.”

“I know. Eddie’s coming right?”

Barry shook his head. “No. He’s going to stay at the loft.”

“Oh. Well how about we watch a movie instead? That will be—“

She didn’t know what to say. Joe had filled her in on what went on today and he could see it in her eyes that her mind went to the same thoughts as his.

Eddie was cheating on him.

Barry stood up. “I’m not feeling up to it. I’m going to head to bed. See you all in the morning.”

He began to walk up the stairs, Iris made to go after him, and Joe stopped her.

“Let him be alone.”

-

_“You’ve reached the cell of Eddie Thawne. I’m not able to pick up at the moment but leave a message and whatever else and I’ll get back to you.”_

“Pick up. I need to hear your voice. I’m not trying to sound clingy or anything but I—please when you get a chance call me back. It’s important.”

Eddie saw the call but couldn’t answer it. Maia held his attention as she told him a story about what happened last school year. He would call Barry back. As soon as he could.

“Who’s Barry again?” Maia asked. She was in her new bedroom, the third room that was to be Eddie’s when he moved in (they didn’t want to rush things) but he kept slipping into Barry’s at night and the room lay abandoned.

It now belonged to his daughter.

“Barry is dads—“He wanted to say friend. She would understand what that meant. Though Barry was more to him than that. He was everything that Eddie had missed out on when he was with Alana. He was the sun and stars, the apple of Eddie’s eye and he would do whatever to keep him in his life.

“Is he like your boyfriend? Mom said that men and men fall in love and that’s what happened with you. You fell in love with a man and were finally happy. He makes you happy?”

“Your mom said all that?”

Maia nodded. “Yes.”

He didn’t think Alana would be so quick to change her mind about stuff like this. She actually had changed. “Yes. He makes me absolutely over the moon. I’m sure that you will like him as much as I do. Now get some sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.”

The moment that she drifted off Eddie closed the door behind him and took out his phone.

Barry picked up on the second ring.

“Sorry for not answering. I was busy. Is everything okay?”

_“Everything’s fine. I was just a little worried when you didn’t pick up.’’_

“Yeah. Something came up and I couldn’t get to the phone.”

Eddie took a seat on the couch and flipped on the television. Infomercials lighting up the screen.

_“We’re you cheating on me?”_

Eddie nearly dropped the phone. “What are you talking about?”

“ _I know that you weren’t at the CCPD. Joe told me you had the day off. So were you? It’s—its okay if you were. I get it. You found someone better than me.”_

“I wasn’t cheating on you. And there is no one better than you. Look, the reason I was lying to you—“He didn’t want to do this over the phone. Something like this needed to be said in person but if Barry thought that he was cheating on him then it had to be said now. He took a deep breath, hoping that maybe Barry wouldn’t get angry and not come home at all. That was the last thing that he needed at the moment. “Seven years ago I was with this woman. The love of my life, at least I thought she was.” He quickly added the last part when he heard Barry let out a disgruntled noise. “And then, She—I have a daughter Barry. Her name is Maia. I was going to tell you about her but it didn’t make sense since I only see her once a month. Plus I wouldn’t—I thought that you would leave me if you knew.”

“ _Do you still keep in contact? With Maia’s mother? I mean is she still in the picture as a part of your life?”_

“She is. I’ve been visiting with her and that’s actually where I went yesterday. She took back the custody agreement and I can see her when I want. And actually she’s going to be staying with me for the upcoming school year.”

There was silence on the other end. Eddie was worried now. He had told Barry about his daughter, some details about Alana and even about her staying with them. Now he was silent and a silent Barry is never good.

“Say something. Please. I don’t like this. At all.”

“ _What do you want me to say? Your daughter is living with us. You’ve been in contact with your first love. What am I supposed to say Eddie?”_

“I lied. I know but come home and we can talk more about this. Please. I don’t want to lose you just when I got her back. Please baby. Don’t leave me.”

“ _I won’t. I promise.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Barry wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell Joe and Iris about Eddie’s little secret. It actually wasn’t his place and he didn’t want to make Eddie angry with him about telling what wasn’t his to tell.

Yet, how could he not? This was big news, bigger than big. Eddie had a child. A seven year old who most likely looked like him. A child who had his eyes, his hair, his smile. A child that was the product of Eddie and some woman. Something that Barry would never get to have with Eddie. A child that was both of them.

It was six in the morning by the time that Barry had chosen to get dressed and head back to the loft. He was up all night, his mind in over drive about all of this and he was restless. All of this was happening to soon and all at once. He didn’t bother to wake Joe and Iris and let them know that he was leaving. He would leave them a message. Plus it’s not like he was walking and would need them to go with him. He would take the bus. Soothe his wandering mind about everything.

He found a seat at the back of the bus. Not that many people were on at six in the morning and Barry was fine with that. He actually didn’t need the constant loud chatter of the people around him.

The bus began rolling, he took out his phone and headphones. Music was the key to a calm mind. He scrolled through his playlist, landing on a soothing song and closed his eyes. He let the melody and the words take over.

His mind was a dangerous place. From what he went through and to the person that he is now, Barry’s mind liked to play games with him. Like to make him think that what’s real actually isn’t real and what’s fake is actually true. So when his phone buzzed, alerting him that he had a text, he assumed it was Iris or Joe berating him for leaving without them or Eddie, once again apologizing. He had numerous text messages from Eddie telling him how sorry he was about all of this and how he wanted to make it up to him. His lips turned into a smile. If it was Eddie he was going to tell him that enough was enough and that he didn’t have to keep apologizing about something like that when what Barry was hiding was a lot worse than a secret child.

Barry’s face fell. It wasn’t Eddie, Nor Iris or Joe.

Nikolai.

He didn’t even know how Nikolai had gotten his number. He was hesitant to open the message. Who knows what laid in it. But he couldn’t ignore it either. What if it was something to harm the people that he loved and if he ignored it, he could make things worse.

Taking a deep breath he opened the message. His heart sinking when he saw the picture. It was of Eddie and some red head. He assumed it must be Alana. Maia’s mother. They were kissing. Barry assumed it was from a long time ago. The evidence in the photo proved otherwise. The necklace that Barry had given Eddie for their one year anniversary lay out in the open around his neck. Eddie had lied to him. Well not all the way, He did tell him that he still was in contact with her, he just left out the part where he put his tongue down her throat.

His phone rang seconds later. It was Nikolai. At this point he didn’t care anymore.

_“Didn’t I tell you no one loved you? Especially someone like detective Thawne. He has his daughter and his ex is the one to thank. They can reconcile. Get back together and you will be left all alone my sweet.”_

“Just because he kissed her means nothing.” Barry whispered. His heart was aching. It meant everything.

“ _He lied to you about it. Didn’t tell you that they kissed. What does that say about him? About your relationship with him? A man who lies is one that can’t be trusted.”_

“The same way that you lied to me?”

“ _I never lied to you. I only told you what you needed to hear. No one can love you. And what Eddie did was proof of that. He kissed someone. Who knows what else that they did and then he lied to you. He even lied about his daughter to you.”_

“He was afraid—“

“ _Of what? That you wouldn’t be able to handle it? Imagine what he will do when he finds out about the little slut that you actually are. All those nights servicing me. All those nights servicing my friends.”_

He had pushed those nights in the back of his mind. When his mom worked later than usual. Most of the time not coming home for days and Nikolai would invite his pals over.

“You made me.”

_“You enjoyed each and every moment. My little whore.”_

Barry hung up the phone. There had to be some logical explanation to that kiss. After everything that Eddie had promised him, some of him told him that Eddie wasn’t going to throw it all away on some kiss with an ex. And then another part told him that maybe he would. This woman was his first love. He loved her once upon a time with the same love that he has for Barry and he has a child with this woman.

Maybe he would leave him for her. It seems only right.

-

By the time that Barry reached the loft he noticed that Eddie must have just gotten up. Food was fixed, coffee made and his jogging clothes were out. Barry silently slipped in, tossing his jacket on the couch and picking up a piece of toast that was sitting on one of the plates.

He began to walk towards his room, the one that he shared with Eddie. The one that had so many memories. He passed the spare bedroom, noting that it was opened and peered inside. His breath caught. Resting comfortably with a mess of blonde hair was who Barry was sure was Maia.

“I hope you and Iris don’t mind that I gave her that room.” Came Eddie’s voice, startling Barry.

“No. its fine. That room needed to be used anyway. She’s beautiful.”

Eddie reached out and took ahold of Barry’s hand, Leading him to the bedroom and shutting the door once they were inside.

“I’m glad that you’re okay with this. I don’t know what I would have done If you weren’t.”

Barry looked into his eyes. He knows that he should confront Eddie about the picture but if he did then he knew that this would be the last time that he gets to hold him, kiss him, touch him and he can’t let that happen. Even if he was cheating, he thought that he wouldn’t be able to handle it but he wouldn’t be able to handle losing Eddie either.

He pushed forward, smashing his lips against Eddie’s and reaching into his pajama bottoms, grasping Eddie’s cock.

“Make love to me Eddie. Right now. Please.”

Eddie didn’t push him away. He didn’t have the strength nor the energy to do so.

“I’m tired Barry. I was up half the night with her—“

Barry pushed him back, pulling down the pants. “Then let me do all the work.”

He bent down, taking Eddie into his mouth. It was idiotic, fucking Eddie to prove to himself that he loved him. His insecurities, another thing that Nikolai had instilled into him. He hated it.

Eddie didn’t complain, he allowed Barry to do whatever it was that he wanted to his body.

-

 

 

                                                   


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a huge time lapse. Maybe like two months.

Nikolai hated losing. Especially when it was something that he wanted to win. Like Barry. The little plan that Brenda cooked up had back fired. Getting the ex into the picture did nothing but strengthen their relationship. Even when after a while, with him sending the pictures to Barry and eventually Barry confronting Eddie about them (To which Eddie explained one was a good bye kiss, the other a thank you kiss and one where Alana told him point blank that she wanted him back). When he refused to get back with her though she threatened to take Maia back. The courts wouldn’t allow it. Particularly when Maia had told them that her mother was using drugs and meeting strange people. That had been going on for a while. Almost since the day that Maia was born.

Eddie had gotten full custody and eventually they all had chosen to get a bigger house, moving across town, the four of them into something a bit more spacious. Iris had gotten close to Maia, becoming like a big sister to the little girl. And she had met someone, their neighbor by the name of Jay Garrick.

All in All, things were perfect for them. And that didn’t sit well with Nikolai. He needed Barry and he needed him as soon as possible.

He was certain that Eddie Thawne didn’t know about Barry’s past. Didn’t know what Barry had done and how in love Barry was with him. But he would know. It was the only thing left in the match that would secure that Barry would come to him without the detective hanging around.

He sent Eddie a text. One of the night of Barry’s eighteenth birthday. Right before he had moved out. Barry was on his knees in front of Nikolai. Eyes wide with lust as he sucked happily. And each day he would send Eddie these little things, Barry too. Plant the seed of distrust in Eddie’s mind. Make him think that Barry was still in love with Nikolai, that Barry was still seeing him. It would work. It had too.

-

Eddie didn’t know who had sent it to him. The number was unrecognizable and basically untraceable. In the picture was Barry, He was on his knees with a smile on his face sucking the cock of some unknown guy. It was dated before he met Barry and a message was attached to it.

“ _We had fun then and we will again. He loves me. Not you.”_

 

Eddie confronted Barry about this. There was no way that he wasn’t.

“What’s this?” It was night. Maia was asleep in Iris’ room, the two having a girl’s night in. Eddie and Barry were in each other’s arms watching a romantic comedy on television when Eddie showed him the picture on the phone.

He could fell Barry still. Waiting for an answer.

“Where did you get this?” Barry asked taking the phone from him. His eyes glued to the photo.

“Someone sent it to me. When was this Barry? I mean I know that I shouldn’t be jealous but I can’t help it. Who would send this to me? Why?”

Barry sighed. He wasn’t going to tell him that it was the night he was gang-banged by Nikolai and his friends.

“My boyfriend at the time liked to take photos and videos of our sexcapdes. I thought that he deleted all of them.”

“How old were you? You barely look twenty.”

“It was my eighteenth birthday. I was young and stupid Eddie and I thought that he had got rid of them. If you get anymore please delete them. If my mom saw—‘’

She couldn’t see these. She knew what Nikolai’s cock looked like.

“I won’t. I’ll block the number so he doesn’t send anymore okay?”

Barry turned and leaned into Eddie, kissing him on the lips.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are a little short because I am at a loss now. I have no idea what to write next.


End file.
